My Central Argument-
The purpose of this blog is to talk about gun rights. The reason I have chosen this topic is because it is a hot political topic right now. Gun control is just one big bomb just waiting to go off and the detonator is in the hands of the government. What i mean by this is that if the government decides to continue down this path of banning guns they just might have a outright rebellion again.
In this string of posts i will be arguing for the pro gun rights advocates. I am arguing this because I believe that gun rights are under the constitution. All people have the right to own and maintain arms under the constitution, but with the way the government is going now could possibly do the opposite of their intention to make our country safer by taking away and limiting our weapons. I believe that the term gun control is wrong. There should not be "gun control" i think that it should be gun safety and that instead of limiting the guns we should teach everyone how to use and maintain a gun. Imagine if the majority of the adults new how to shoot a gun. would you want to try and break into a house knowing that at least one person in that house knows how to shoot a gun. your not going to want to break into that house. that thought alone will deter so much crime. This is just one of the reasons i believe that gun control is the wrong way to go about the issue of weapons in our country.
Topic Sentence: The topic sentence shows what you’re going to be arguing, but it’s very general and doesn’t actually set up the paragraph.
ReplyDeleteSupport: There are no outside sources used. There are several places that some statistics would be very beneficial.
Transitions: The transitions worked fine.
Quote: There was no quote.
Grammar and Spelling: There are a couple of i’s that need to be capitalized throughout the post.
Strong Argument: Your argument would be much stronger with outside sources, statistics, or something like that.
I definitely see your opinion and argument in this post. Some adjusting in the structure of the post, as well as more outside sources would help a lot, though.
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Delete1. Topic Sentence- Your topic sentence needs to be clear and stronger.
ReplyDelete2. Support- There is no support used in your post 1. You could use support in your second paragraph
3. Transition- You needs smoother transitions. Ex. “I believe that the term gun control is wrong”, needs to be a new paragraph.
4. Quote- There is no integrated quote or quotes. You should put a quote in paragraph 2.
5. Grammar & Spelling- There are some grammar and spelling mistakes. “New” should be “knew. This sentence, (would you want to try and break into a house knowing that at least one person in that house knows how to shoot a gun. your not going to want to break into that house) should have a question mark after the sentence. Also capitalization for the first word in a sentence.
6. Strong argument- Your argument needs to be stronger. As well as a better flow in your post.
-Your topic: Gun rights and gun control is intriguing. I can’t wait to read more of your post. Work on support to make your argument stronger, and the format of your essay.
1. Topic sentence: I am not sure which one it is. I'm not sure which paragraph it's in.
ReplyDelete2. Support looks promising, but needs to be better organized.
3. There need to be smoother transitions, even within sentences within a paragraph. Ideas need to flow together to make a single point.
4. No quotes.
5. Spelling and grammar mistakes. Always capitalize I (when used as a pronoun), knew, not new, and always capitalize at the beginning of a sentence.
6. The overall argument seems very strong and vast, but the presentation seems all over the place and disorganized. It seems like there are a lot of points to make, but they don't flow together.
Your topic overall is very important and you have a lot of points to make about it, but the disorganized format makes the argument hard to wrap one's head around, especially if they do not know about these issues. Try reading everything as if you have absolutely zero knowledge of gun issues.
DeleteI believe this is to be read as segments of one giant idea, with that said I do like the segments, this is not very graceful as far as a paper would go but for being a blog I like it!
ReplyDelete1. Need to establish the topic sentence/ thesis post to help clarify which to look at but I do get the point
2. The support is there
3. I like the transistions with in most of the posts, the central argument starts out informal, but that is more than okay, many people did that for the blog, of course I know you will change it for the final essay
4. I like the quotations and thank you for your citations
5. Grammar and spelling is okay I would like to maybe see some more wordy diction (just to stick it to the politicians whom think they know more of guns and gun control than the citizens)
6. Your argument is supported and clear, some extra depth maybe nice (in like depth into society , for example, security people in your office wear a gun to keep the creepy guy in cubical three from killing everyone in the office when he gets laid off. not that per say but something people can relate to)
Thanks for the this, i know it is very imperfect and scrambled i did it all five on my blog posts in one night so they all kind of read as one long post split up into the assignments.
ReplyDelete